The Playhouse A Satyr,

by Robert Gould,

1685

The Middle Galle'ry first demands our View;
The filth of Jakes, and stench of ev'ry Stew!
Here reeking Punks like Ev'ning Insects swarm;
The Polecat's Perfume much the Happier Charm...

Discreet in this, their Faces not to shew;
The Mask the best Complexion of the two.
Their Noses falling and their Eyes sunk in,
A wrinkl'd Forehead and a Parchment Skin...

Choak't with the stench of Brimstone, 'twill be fit
To Visit next the Boxes and the Pit,
And for the Muse a Nobler Scene prepare,
And let Her breathe awhile in Milder Air.

But such a sudden Glare invades her Eyes,
So vast a Crowd of diffe'rent Vanities,
She knows where not to fix her Rancour first;
So very Wicked all, that all are worst!...

Such Giddy Insects here for ever come,
And very little Dare, but much Presume:
Perpetually the Ladies Ears they Ply,
And whisper Slander at the Standers by:

Then laugh aloud; which now is grown a part
Of Play-house Breeding, and of Courtly Art.
The true Sign of Your Modish Beau Garson
Is Chatt'ring like a Ladies lewd Baboon,

Shewing their Teeth to charm some pretty creature;
For Grinning, amoung Fops, is held a Feature...
All People now, the Place is grown so ill,
Before they see a Play shou'd make their Will:

For with much more Security , a Man
Might take a three Years Voyage to Japan.

Having walked north from Westminster Abbey we probably have an hour or two before Drury Lane theatre begins the evening performance, and since we're in the vicinity of several coffee houses it seems a good place to stop, wet our whistles and ask about what's playing.

Inside the atmosphere of mouth-watering coffee scent is underlaid by the whiff of smoke from clay pipes. The variety of coffees and chocolate on offer is bewildering, with so many spices and roasts to choose from I think we would be justified in spending a few minutes considering before we choose.

I'm glad you insisted on Will's Coffee House (can't miss it, look for the sign of the Rose), rather than the Turk's Head which I thought looked like a good bet. I've heard several people discussing recent plays since we settled at this table. The impression I get is that most of the plays aren't staged for very long; a week or two at most and the audiences are ready for something new.

The small huddle of gentlemen engaged in conversation a few tables over has been dwindling since we came in, and now the last two have left and I recognize the face of Mr.Dryden. I think we should invite him to join us at our table.

"Have I the honour of addressing Mr. Dryden?"

"You have, sir. Though few enough would count it an honour these days."

"Then might I invite you to share our table for a few minutes, and we shall count it both an honour and a pleasure, sir."

What I am hoping is that we might be able to find out if any of Dryden's plays are currently on the stage, but it seems that since he lost his position as Poet Laureate seven years ago, even his plays have lost their lustre with the public. I can quite understand his slightly melancholy mood.

However, as he tells us, he is free now to work on something that has interested him since his collegiate days; a translation of the works of Publius Virgilius Maro. Once he starts explaining the fascination of the classical poet's works, his face lights up with a new enthusiasm.

Returning eventually to the question of the London stage, I ask whether he knows what is playing at present, that might be worth the cost of admission.

It seems that the only play he feels would be worth our time, and that more for the theatrical music than the play itself, is a revival of Abdelazer, or The Moor's Revenge by the late Aphra Behn, as a series of benefit performances for the widow of Michael Mohun. Although she was widowed more than a decade ago, she has always been supportive of the acting community, and being unable to work because of increasingly painful arthritis, reluctantly sought their help.

While we are talking, we are joined once more by the familiar figure of Mr.Pepys. As soon as introductions have been made (I am flattered that Samuel Pepys remembers us by the sound of our voices, from our previous encounter in the Lloyds Coffee House), Mr.Pepys cautions us against the Orange Girls.

These traders visit the playhouses to sell fruit at extortionate prices, and Pepys himself tells us how:

The orange-woman did come in the pit and challenge me for twelve oranges, which she delivered by my order at a late play, at night, to give to some ladies in a box, which was wholly untrue, but yet she swore it to be true. But, however, I did deny it, and did not pay her; but , for quiet, did buy 4s.¹ worth of oranges of her, at 6d. a-piece.'

Dryden summarises the play for us as follows: it was published in 1657 and tells the story of a vengeful wicked Moor, whose kingdom has been vanquished by Spain, who tires of his affair with the lascivious Queen of Spain and plots with her to murder the King, thinking to murder her afterwards, and reign with his innocent young wife. However, the Queen in her turn kills his wife, and plots to take her son’s throne. It is full of action with armies engaged on stage, people in disguise escaping from imprisonment and torture and a final act in which the wicked are punished and the good prince wins the throne.²

If Mr.Dryden felt that the music for the play was better than the play itself, I can hardly disagree with him. From the play, here is Mr. Henry Purcell's Rondeau.

X:4                          % number
T:Rondeau                    % title
C:Henry Purcell              % composer
O:Music for Abdelazer or The Moor's Revenge (Dolce Edition) % origin.
M:3/4                        % meter
L:1/8                        % length of shortest note
Q:                           % tempo
P:ABACA
%%staves Sop | {Hr1 Hr2 Hl}
V:Sop name="Soprano" sname="S." clef=treble
V:Hr1 name="Harpsichord" sname="Hp." clef=treble
V:Hr2 clef=treble
V:Hl clef=bass
K:F                          % key
P:A
%1===============================2====================3================4=================
[V:Sop]|:  D2      F2      A2    | de/f/ g/f/e/d/ ^c2 | ad/f/ a/f/d b2 | gc/e/ g/e/c a2 |
[V:Hr1]|: [FDA,]2 [FDA,]2 [EA,]2 | F G/A/ B2 [AE^C]2  | A2 d2 d/B/G    | [cGC]4 c/A/F   |
[V:Hr2]|:  Z                     | D2     DG  z2      | D4    z2       | Z              |
[V:Hl] |:  d2      d2      c2    | B2     G2  A2      | f4    g2       | e4     f2      |
%
%5=====================6=================7=======================8==========================
[V:Sop] fB/d/ f/d/B g2 | eA/^c/ e/c/A f2 | e/f/e/d/ ^cf e/f/e/d/ | Ad ^c/d/e/c/ !fine! d2 :|
[V:Hr1] [BFD]4 B/G/E   | [AEA,]4 A/F/D   | [BD]2 [AE^C]2 [GD]2   | GF E2        [FDA,]2   :|
[V:Hr2] Z              | Z               | Z                     | ^CD A,2      z2        :|
[V:Hl]  d4     e2      | ^c4    d2       | G2        A2 B2       | A4           d2        :|
%
P:B
%9========================10=====================11=====================12=====================
[V:Sop] F2      A2    c2   | fg/a/ b/a/g/f/ ef/g/ |  ab/a/   ga/g/ fF/G/ |  ab/a/ ga/g/ Ff/e/ |
[V:Hr1] [CA,]2 [FC]2 [GC]2 | AB/c/ [dBF]2 [cGE]2  | [cAF]2  [cGC]2 A=B   | [cE]2 [GE]2 [cFC]2 |
[V:Hr2] Z                  | F2     z2     z2     |  z2      z2    F2    |  Z                 |
[V:Hl]  f4            e2   | d2     B2     c2     |  c2      B2    A2    |  c2    B2    A2    |
%
%13=========================14====================15====================16============================
[V:Sop]  de/d/  cd/c/  Bg/f/ | ef/e/   de/d/ Ca/g/ |  fg/f/  ef/e/ dg    |  cf       e/f/g/e/  f2    ||
[V:Hr1] [BFD]2 [cFC]2 [BGD]2 | [GEC]2 [GD]2 [AEC]2 | [AFD]2 [AE]2  AB/A/ | [GE][AF] [GEC]2    [AFC]2 ||
[V:Hr2]  Z                   |  Z                  |  z2     z2    FD    |  Z                        ||
[V:Hl]   B2     A2     G2    |  c2     B2    A2    |  d2     c2    B2    |  c4                 F2    ||
%
P:C
%17===============================18============================19=============================
[V:Sop] !trill! c>d c/d/e f/e/d/c/ | !trill! =B>c B/c/d e/d/c/B/ | !trill! c>d c/d/e f/e/d/c/ |
[V:Hr1] [AEC]4           [cE]2     | [=BE]4            [BE]2     | [AEC]4           [AFD]2    |
[V:Hr2]  Z                         |  Z                          |  Z                         |
[V:Hl]   a2         A2    a2       |  ^f2         e2    g2       |  a2         A2    d2       |
%
%20======================21============================22===========================23=============================
[V:Sop] !trill! c3 =B A2  |  !trill! e>f e/f/g a/g/f/e/ | !trill! f>g f/g/a b/a/g/f/ | !trill! e>f e/f/g a/g/f/e/ |
[V:Hr1]  A2 ^G2 [AEC]2    |  ^c>d        c/d/e f/e/d/c/ | d>e         d/e/f g/f/e/d/ | ^c>d        c/d/e f/e/d/c/ |
[V:Hr2] [E=B,]4  z2       | [AE]4              A2       | A4                B2       | A4                A2       |
[V:Hl]   e4      A2       |  a2          ^c'2  a2       | d'2         d2    g2       | a2          A2    d2       |
%
%24===========================================
[V:Sop][L:1/32] f6g2 !trill! g6fg !D.C.! a8 ||
[V:Hr1] [dAF]2 [dGD]2 [^cAE]2               ||
[V:Hr2]  Z                                  ||
[V:Hl]   dc     B2     A2                   ||
To convert the code above to sheet music, or listen to the tunes, copy the code for a single song, then paste it here and [submit].
If you know the music of Benjamin Britten, you might also recognize this as the theme for his "Young Person's Guide to the Orchestra".

Notes

1. English currency before decimalisation:

2. I would like to acknowledge Dawn Lewcock's article for a summary of the plot.

In 1660 Charles II was restored to the English Throne ending 11 years of Oliver Cromwell's bleak Puritan rule. Thus began the age of Restoration. It was an era of scientific discovery, artistic exploration and luxurious sensuality.

It was also a time of natural disasters and archaic medical practices. Science was pitted against superstition. This is the story of one man's journey through the light and dark of those times.

This heartwarming movie tells the story of a dissolute young doctor, one Robert Merivel of London, a glover's son. It describes his early promise as a physician, his adoption by the King as a minor favourite at court and his fall from grace, without which he might never have found his true, and accessible love (he was ordered by the Sovereign to marry the King's mistress, so that she might be out of sight of another, jealous mistress, but Merivel is forbidden ever to love her), and the final restoration of all that had been lost to him. In the old sense, a comedy.

Among other things, this movie is a good reminder; what makes a good physician is not just knowledge or technology, but compassion.

I would like to note that Ian McKellen as Master Will Gates of Bidnauld House in Suffolk is one of the few actors I have heard speak with a true Suffolk accent, something I find impossibly nostalgic.